I'm Sorry For Everything
by BeyondTheClouds777
Summary: The very day after the battle with Drago, Hiccup is too overwhelmed by his new status in the village. In an attempt to snap him out of it, Astrid and the others fear they just made it worse. Sweet/Sad One-Shot. CONTAINS MAJOR HTTYD2 SPOILERS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.


**SO, I know I'm really supposed to be on hiatus, but I just can't stay away for too long. :) This is a one-shot, by the way, and really kind of sad. :( But it's also in a way sweet. **

**The headcanon for this piece is as follows: After only a short while of being Chief, Hiccup can't take it. IN HTTYD2, so many different things happened to Hiccup (SPOILERS) He lost his FATHER for goodness sake, and then became Chief on top of that. It must have been hard for him, but we don't see much of that in the second film, so in this fanfic, Hiccup snaps. He completely snaps. And then of course he fells so sorry about it afterwards...if you don't like stuff like this, you don't have to read it. :) **

**I just have one more thing to say; my brother writes some pretty awesome fanfictions. His name here on fanfiction is "E-Sharp777" (I suppose we both like the 777s at the end of our usernames haha) but yeah, he's awesome. More so then I am, also. So, if I were to suggest someone, it would be him. He's planning something BIG, and he's told me about it, but I'm not telling you about it (hehehe). Aaaaaanywaaaays, check him out, he's pretty cool. **

Yesterday. It had only been yesterday, and he already couldn't stand it. He had laid awake in his bed for hours, wondering, listening to the silence of the house, normally filled with his father's snores. Hiccup had laid awake that night, hoping against all odds that his father was alive somewhere. He waited for him to burst through the door and shout, "It takes more than a little fire to kill me!" but he never did.

That day had been filled with questions, as soon as he was elected Chief.

"_What are we going to do about the ice?" _

"_I don't know_. _We could-" _

"_What about the buildings that were destroyed?" _

"_Well, I think-" _

"_Some of the farms are destroyed!" _

"_I know, just hang on-" _

"_What about the injured? What about them?" _

He hadn't been able to get a word through the villagers' heads. They had bombarded him with too many questions. But he had managed to keep his cool. Now the day after, around six o'clock in the evening, Hiccup sat at a separate table in the Great Hall while his friends talked at a different table. Only two tables were occupied; Hiccup's, and then the one where Snotlout, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Fishlegs, and Astrid sat. Everyone else was either sleeping, or at their houses, trying to repair some of the damage.

It took him a long time to realize Astrid had approached him. She sat down next to him, wondering what to say.

"Hiccup..." she said. "Can we talk?"

"No." Simple. He spoke little, his words flat, with no emotion behind them. He didn't even look at her.

"Hiccup..." said Astrid, "I want to help you. Can you let me? Do you need help?"

"You can't help me," he replied. Simple, once more, saying his words flat and emotionless as ever. "No one can."

"Only because you're not letting anyone," said Astrid. "If you could just...let me help you. I want to. We need to talk, though."

"No we don't," he said. "We don't need to talk."

"Yes we do," said Astrid. "If this is a problem, we have to talk about it." She sighed. "Hiccup, Stoick was a great man, and we all regret what happened. But you can't..._reject _your own people because of this loss. You're the chief now. It's your duty to listen to your people when we need to talk."

"Astrid's got a point," said Snotlout. "You've kind of been rejecting everyone recently. You won't talk to us, either."

"Can you just tell us what we can do to help?" said Fishlegs. Everyone was looking at him. Luckily, _everyone _wasn't very many people.

"You have to be the chief," said Astrid. "We need you to be the chief. We need you to snap out of..._this_."

"SO THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO!?" Hiccup exploded, jumping to his feet. "JUST BE THE CHIEF!? JUST SNAP OUT OF IT!?" Everyone else remained shocked and silent. "YOU DON'T GET IT!" Hiccup yelled. "NONE OF YOU GET IT! YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL! NONE OF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH WHAT I AM! NONE OF YOU ARE! SURE, YOU GUYS LOST YOUR 'CHIEF'!" He paused, his voice dropping dramatically, and then said in an almost whisper: "I lost...I lost my Dad." Then, he turned and bolted.

"Hiccup!" Astrid called, jumping to her feet and chasing him. The others remained silent, their heads hung in shame until the Great Hall doors swung open and shut again, Hiccup and Astrid gone.

Hiccup ran down the steps leading up to the Great Hall, ignoring Toothless entirely, running in the opposite direction. Toothless didn't follow; he could sense his rider's distress, and decided it would be best if he were alone. Astrid ran down the steps after Hiccup, and then, after seeing which direction he went in, didn't hesitate in following.

"Hiccup, wait!" Astrid shouted, although she knew it was pointless. He wasn't stopping any time soon. He had no intention to. He ran, tears streaming down his cheeks. He ran until he couldn't run any longer. Then, he ran to the edge of a cliff, and sat down, his legs dangling over the side of it. The tears didn't stop, but they did slow.

Astrid stopped running when she saw him sitting at the edge of the cliff, and then approached him slowly, reaching one hand out to him.

"I didn't mean what I said," said Hiccup. Astrid sighed. "I'm sorry I yelled," he went on. "I really don't think you guys just don't care, and you...you and the others are really the best friends I've ever had. I don't want you to think otherwise."

Astrid sighed again and sat down next to him. "You don't have anything to be sorry for," she said softly as if speaking to a startled dragon. "If anyone should be apologizing, it's-"

"Me," said Hiccup, and sighed. "I can't do it, Astrid," he said. "I try to be chief, but it's only been a day, and I'm already losing it. I'm trying, and I'm failing just the same. My Dad...he...he knew what he was doing." Hiccup's voice cracked and he squeezed his eyes shut. "Me, on the other hand...I don't. I don't know how to lead a village. I don't know how to help other people. I don't..."

"Hiccup-" Astrid started, when he cut her off again.

"You know what my name means, Astrid?" he said. "What do you say when you have a little flaw in a plan? What do most people call it? A hiccup. That's what. And I'm a hiccup. I'm the runt of Berk, so to speak. I'm the one everyone feels sorry for. I'm the one people look down on; not up to. I'm the one who makes the mistakes. I'm the one who screws up more than anyone else in the village. And now I'm the one in charge. Berk doesn't deserve me. They deserve...my Dad."

"Hiccup-" Astrid tried again, only to be interrupted once more.

"Why hadn't that plasma blast hit me?" said Hiccup, his voice growing thick and hysteric as he tried to keep his tears at bay. "He shouldn't have saved me. He shouldn't have died in my place. I should have been the one killed. I should have been the one to be hit by that blast. It should have been me, Astrid! It should have been me! It's my fault he's dead!"

"Stop!" said Astrid. She couldn't stand seeing Hiccup upset, it just made her upset herself.

"I stood there doing _nothing_, Astrid!" said Hiccup, jumping to his feet. "I could have moved! My Dad shouldn't have had to come save my skin! But no! No, I screwed up, like I always do! I messed up! I was the _hiccup _in the fight! I was the mistake! My name implies I am, and it's true! Berk doesn't deserve me as a Chief! They deserve me as I truly am; useless. Worthless. Incapable of even dodging a blast from my own dragon!"

"Alright, stop it now!" said Astrid. "That is it!"

"What is it?" said Hiccup. "Are you getting where I'm heading, Astrid? Do you realize? I'm right, you know I am! Why hadn't I moved!? Why hadn't I just stepped aside!? Why hadn't I just listened when my Dad told me not to try to reason with Drago? Everything I do turns into a disaster! I'm a _hiccup_, Astrid! A _hiccup_. A mistake! The one everyone expects to screw up; to lose; to fail; to let down. And that is ALL I DO! All I do is disappoint! All I do is fail! All I do is wreck something or another! All I do is...is..." He stopped suddenly and sank to the ground again. "I don't want to be chief, Astrid," he whispered. "I don't want to be in charge. I just want my Dad." He sighed. "I just want my Dad."

Silence.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you all earlier," said Hiccup. "I don't know what that was all about, I didn't mean a word of what I said."

"We wouldn't blame you if you had," said Astrid. "It would make sense, actually. It wasn't your fault, I was being selfish."

"So was I," said Hiccup. "I don't want you guys to think I hate you."

"What would make us think that?" said Astrid.

"I don't know," said Hiccup. "I'm just being cautious. Before the Red Death, I didn't have anyone. Fifteen years of being neglected, and now, for the past five years, it's been different. I don't want to lose that, Astrid. I don't want to lose Fishlegs, or Snotlout, or Ruffnut, or Tuffnut, or you. Problem is, I can't lead you. I can't protect you. I'm not the chief Berk needs. I'm not the peacemaker I thought I was. I'm just a...I don't even know what I am anymore." He sighed and looked at her. "You asked me earlier if I needed help, and in truth, yes, I do. Yes, I need help, yes, I want to talk about it, yes, we need to talk about it..." His voice trailed off, and he averted his gaze again. "We need to talk about it, but what do we talk about? My Dad shouldn't have saved me. I should have been the one killed by that plasma blast. It should have been me. Then why wasn't it?"

"Hiccup, your father loved you," said Astrid. "I know he wouldn't have changed his decision. No one blames you for his death."

"_**I **_ blame me!" said Hiccup. "I blame myself."

"Well maybe you shouldn't!" said Astrid.

"Well maybe it's right to!" said Hiccup.

"Maybe it's not," said Astrid, so calmly, it surprised them both. "You can't blame yourself, Hiccup. You can't. It's not fair to you."

"Since when does anyone care about 'fair'?" said Hiccup. His tone didn't hold a hint of anger; it sounded like an honest question. "Astrid, my father died. Was that fair? The greatest man I ever knew, and he's gone. It's not fair. It's not fair, at all. And now, it's up to me, and that's not fair to Berk. Berk shouldn't have to put up with..._this_." He gestured roughly to himself. "Berk doesn't deserve me."

"Hiccup, you're _more _than what Berk needs," said Astrid. "You can't beat yourself over this and make you think different. You father would be proud of you. You know that as well as I do. He wouldn't blame you. So why do you blame yourself?"

"Why is the sky blue?" said Hiccup.

"I'm sorry, what?" said Astrid.

"Why do I blame myself, why's the sky blue...we'll never know the answers," said Hiccup. "It's just natural for me. I always blame myself. I can't...I don't know, maybe that was foolish."

"No, actually," said Astrid. "Maybe you should stop blaming yourself. We don't think it's your fault. You have to stop punishing yourself for what someone else did. The only person to blame is Drago, and he's not here right now. But if he comes back, you better believe I'll make sure he knows it's his fault."

Hiccup smiled for the first time since the battle, but it quickly turned back into a frown. He threw his arms around Astrid and just started crying. She hugged him back.

"I'm sorry, for everything," said Hiccup. And really, he was. He was sorry he yelled. He was sorry his father had died. He was sorry he couldn't lead Berk the way other chiefs before him had. He was sorry he couldn't be what the village needed.

"Me too," said Astrid. "Me too."

_**THE END**_


End file.
